It has occurred to me that my first post should be real and true and clearly presented. Widowhood is not a happy place. None of us asks for it and no one deserves it. There's a lot we say about ourselves which is real and not to be thought irrelevant during the first few days, months and years. I'm talking about the names attached to the state of a widow. Example: depressed, lonely, never goes anywhere, won't talk, just cries. No interests, no friends, sad...and so forth. Those are emotion based for the most part, (I'm no psychologist), and those emotions are a dwelling place, a desperate dwelling place. However, as well intended as the professionals are for the most part those are the things that are explained to us and all the why's it's that way for us. Almost like it is what it is, deal with it! Poor thing!
There are stages of grief, you've heard that I'm sure. Some declare those stages have a specific order that we must live through. But others say there is no order or time assigned to each stage. We widows even research our new found circumstances by reading articles in magazines of all sorts. Some article may even show up in a garden magazine. There are self help books about how to deal with loss and rise out of it.
I don't mean to sound like we don't profit from understanding grief and our loss. We can profit! In fact here's a bit of good info. Did you know that when we marry, the two of us become one? It's true on multiple levels. In addition to the ring, the name change for her, the Mr. and Mrs. title there is a hormone response in both the man and woman as well as things at the cellular level change which makes us chemically (I guess) one. Take that idea, now picture one being torn in two with only 1/2 alive...No wonder we hurt, no wonder it takes time to heal and because our God is our healer we do become whole again. The point is He has built in us the ability to heal and become a whole being. We don't have to stay 1/2 and He doesn't intend for us to.
The problem I have with all of it is it's often without tempering all that information with what God says about who we are as his daughter. We could, and some do, find ourselves sitting in the road in dust, cloth and ashes all alone as people walk by and shake their heads, oh what a shame, Poor thing. But...is that true of who the loss of our husband has left us to be? Does God call us a "Poor thing"?
I prefer to look at who I am now completely on the up side of life. Listen, God is our creator...He put you together in the beginning and gave your person all you need to be able to live life as long as you have life. So all the tools are available to live after loss as a purposeful, whole and complete woman with a great life and to live with hope and vision and fulfillment. In limited words, that's how God created us and that above all else is true.
I have had 9 years to consider my state in life and this is where I am today. I had to have time to cry because I was severely torn in two. My life suddenly didn't look like it did a few moments ago so I was wounded and it hurt and it took forever it seemed for me to get any relief for healing.
That was a true time in mourning and grief. We all require a time to heal.The question then is "Now what, who, where, when" do things change or do they? The answer is absolutely YES! I'll talk about this again but for now the quick answer is...STOP thinking how you've been thinking about who you truly are. Think about:
- Who are you today?
- What is your purpose?
- Who do you want to be?
- What would you like to do?
